Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i believe in u and ur pee
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
