I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
