And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
