i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
