i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
