I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize