I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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