my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
