This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
