I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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