You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
