nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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