Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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