Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
