please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Can I color on your dick again?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
