is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I believe in your delicious
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
