Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
