Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
