im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
