i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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