Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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