I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
