brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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