wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
