She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
