today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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