You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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