can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
