Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
