my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
