My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
