I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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