oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
