i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
