5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
