If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
