So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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