She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
foreskin is a definite game changer
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
