The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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