I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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