You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
