I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
