She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
