i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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