how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
