Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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