she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
