I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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