we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
