My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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