She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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