I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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