I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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