his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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