im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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