At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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