I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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