considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
