the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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