I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize