so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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