Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
