Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
