Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
