Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
