If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
