They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
