There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
