forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
