I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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